We had just finished watching Titanic. My sister and I were only about eleven years old but we were crying and expressing how saddened we were by the heartbreaking ending. My dad, however was yawning. My dad usually dislikes romance movies and chick flicks, but I was curious to see if he enjoyed it.
“Dad, wasn’t this movie sad?”
“Yeah it was.”
Why aren’t you crying then?”
“Because I’m a man, and men don’t cry.” I thought this one sentence answer was clichéd and a pathetic excuse for not enjoying the movie. However, I was not satisfied with the answer.
I continued, “Really? At all?”
“Men only cry three times in their lives. First, when they are born, second, when they get married, and third, when their first child is born.” My dad concocts his own theories and rules for people to live by so I did not believe him, but when I asked other men, they all seemed to mimic my dad’s simple answer.
From that day I began to observe other differences between girls and boys, such as their appearances, hobbies, personalities, etc. When I was younger I believed that all boys were the same due to genetics. However, as I got older, I learned that men and women fit into the gender stereotypes, not because it was simply the way they were born, but because beginning from childhood, they were told to act a certain way. As a woman, I was taught by my mother, grandmother, and aunts that I should eat with my mouth closed, cross my legs when I sit be able to cook, learn to clean, etc. A vision that was in inscribed my memory was of my father retreating to the couch after his job and watching television while my mother prepared dinner. It could just be the Korean culture, but I believe that these gender boxes that people are categorized in, are taught to other men and women by not only society, but more importantly the people in our lives.
Although most of the things we associate men and women with are due to them trying to be what is considered a “real man” or a “classy woman,” some things are due to our genetic makeup. For example, girls are less concerned than males with viewing themselves as individuals, and are more concerned with making connections. That is why Prissy from Foghorn Leghorn is depressed because she does not have any children, while all the other hens do. It also explains why boys typically play in large groups with a designed activity and little intimate discussions. On the other hand, girls play in smaller groups. Girls are usually less competitive than boys and more initiative of social relationships. Foghorn Leghorn, for example was so consumed with “winning” the competition of love that he was completely blind to the fact that he did not truly love Prissy. He believed he won because Prissy chose him over another rooster. Not saying that women are not competitive, but men are more driven by their desire to win. Girls are also more open and responsive to feedback. They are more willing to listen and share their feelings. Gilligan, a psychologist believed that women have closer relationships with each other. “Grandmothers, mothers, daughters, and friends have stronger bonds than men. They talk more often and openly. Because of this, women are more empathetic and are better able to read faces.”
It is very clear that men and women are different. They look, behave, and speak differently. However, what is unclear is whether or not men and women have these differences because of what they learned through society and other people or naturally. Also, is it only due to the physical appearance or behavior that men are categorized as men and women, women, or could men be men without having all the qualities that men are known for? In other words, if a man looks like a man, but does not behave like a man, is he still considered a man? Would a man still be a man if he cries? I argue yes. The lessons we are taught to categorize us into gender roles are stereotypical. Especially in the current times, men can cry and get groomed, and women can play sports and have jobs. The stereotypes of men and women should be left in the past.
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